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The Quiet Power of Humility: Why the Truly Strong Don't Need to Showboat.
Was Trump's handshake with Macron truly a display of power, or is something else going on beneath the surface?
In today's world, we're often led to believe that power is about dominance, about being the loudest voice in the room, the firmest handshake at the table. We see it in the posturing of politicians, the bravado of business leaders, the chest-puffing of celebrities. But is this really what power looks like? Or are we mistaking aggression for strength, insecurity for confidence?
Let's consider a recent example that made headlines: President Donald Trump's handshake with French President Emmanuel Macron. In a video that went viral, Trump is seen gripping Macron's hand tightly, pulling him off balance in what commentator Drew Hernandez called "one of the most dominating handshakes I've ever seen." Hernandez declared triumphantly, "We are so back."
Is this truly a display of power, or is something else going on beneath the surface?
The Psychology of Dominance Behavior
To understand what drives these kinds of aggressive displays, we need to look at the psychology behind dominance behaviors. In the animal kingdom, creatures often puff up or make themselves look bigger to intimidate rivals or predators. Think of a gorilla beating its chest, a peacock fanning its tail, a cat arching its back.
In humans, dominance behaviors can take many forms - talking loudly, taking up physical space, asserting physical control through things like handshakes or pats on the back. On the surface, these behaviors might look like confidence. But dig a little deeper and you often find the opposite - insecurity, a need for validation, a fear of being perceived as weak.
As psychologist Guy Winch explains in his book Emotional First Aid, "Blusterers and blowhards are not displaying confidence but rather a lack of it... True power connotes an inner strength that does not require outward bluster." In other words, those who feel the need to constantly prove their power are often the ones who feel the least secure in it.
The Strength of Quiet Confidence
So if aggressive dominance behaviors actually signal weakness, what does real power look like? The answer, ironically, is often the opposite of what we've been conditioned to believe. Real power is quiet. It's humble. It's the calm self-assurance of knowing who you are and what you're capable of, without needing to constantly prove it to others.
Think of some of the most powerful figures in history - Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks. These were not people who went around beating their chests and asserting their dominance. They had a quiet strength that came from within, a moral authority that spoke for itself. They embodied the old adage, "Speak softly and carry a big stick."
In the business world, too, we often find that the most respected leaders are those who lead with humility rather than bravado. Take someone like Warren Buffett, one of the most successful investors of all time. Buffett is known for his down-to-earth demeanor, his self-deprecating humor, his ability to admit when he's wrong. He's not one for power plays or aggressive posturing. Yet his quiet confidence has earned him a level of respect and influence few can match.
The Power of Being Yourself
This idea of quiet power has special resonance for those living with ADHD or other forms of neurodiversity. When you're neurodivergent in a neurotypical world, it's easy to feel "less than," to feel like you have to overcompensate or prove yourself in order to be taken seriously. The pressure to mask or camouflage your differences can be intense.
But true power comes from embracing who you are, challenges and all. It's about having the humility to own your unique brain wiring, to work with it rather than against it. As ADHD author Jonathan Mooney puts it in his book Normal Sucks, "The most successful, powerful, influential people I know are all willing to stand up and say: 'My name is __________ and I'm not normal.' They wear their difference with pride. They understand their difference is their power."
This doesn't mean being neurodivergent makes you automatically powerful, of course. But it does mean that your power lies in your authenticity, not in trying to be someone you're not. When you have the humility to be unapologetically yourself, you free up a tremendous amount of energy that would otherwise be spent on trying to fit in. You can channel that energy into pursuing your passions, developing your strengths, making your unique mark on the world.
Redefining Power in an Age of Bravado
We live in an age where aggressive self-promotion often seems to be rewarded, where the squeaky wheels get the grease, where "fake it till you make it" is a mantra for success. In this climate, humility can feel like a liability, a weakness to be overcome.
But perhaps it's time we redefine what power really means. Perhaps it's time we recognize that true strength doesn't come from dominance but from self-assurance, from knowing oneself deeply and living authentically. Perhaps it's time we see humility not as a weakness but as a sign of profound inner power.
The next time you see someone trying to alpha-dog their way through an interaction, remember: that's not power, it's fear. Real power doesn't need to peacock or posture. It's not about having the firmest handshake; it's about having the clearest sense of self. In a world of shouts, real power whispers. And in that whisper, if we listen closely, we just might hear the key to our own inner strength.
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Der, navigating the corporate world with a neurodiverse compass. Insights on tech, HR, and work-life hacks for the neurodiverse—and anyone looking for an edge. Plus, I'm building a tracker for energy, tasks, and routines at ADHDer.Club.